Everything happens in this episode! Boyfriend drama! A pregnancy scare! A new hook-up! Giant, furry boots!

When we catch up with Snooki, she’s still crying about her boyfriend, Jionni, who left after she got drunk and lifted her skirt in a bar. She knows she’s “a lot to handle,” but did he really come to Italy just to leave her?

Jenni the Martyr, she of the dramatic racing through the cobblestone streets of Florence chasing Jionni, has morphed into Jenni the Passive-Aggressive Martyr, angry at Snooki for not appreciating what a great person she is, but refusing to tell her why she won’t talk to her. Snooki has no idea what’s wrong and goes on a crying jag that pretty much lasts the entire episode — though she did take a break to put on a spoken word performance at a bar, regaling the patrons with her tale of heartbreak, in giant fur boots and a skin tight white dress.

Snooki calls her dad to see if he can figure out why Jionni left her, because she still doesn’t get it. But she really wanted to talk to Jenni. “I needed you,” she says. “I didn’t have anybody.” Jenni dumps the attitude and apologies for giving Snooki the cold shoulder. Yes, Jenni actually apologizes for getting mad at Snooki when Snooki screamed at her and told her she hated her. “Nicole was only being herself last night, and I’m the ***hole right now for not putting that bull**** aside to help her today.” Ugh.

“This is the worst day of my life,” Snooki says. She says she’s a loser and needs to change herself if she wants to get married. “I hate myself.”

Jenni decides she’s going to call Jionni and beg him to talk to Snooki before leaving Italy. “Please, please come talk to this girl. I’ve never seen her this way.” Snooki gets on the phone and all she can do is cry and ask him why he left and why won’t he come see her. Turns out Jionni’s at the train station, getting ready to leave for Rome. That’s no obstacle for Jenni the Magnificent: “I will pay whatever it takes for you to turn around.”

Finally, Jionni agrees to meet with Snooki at the train station. He’s perfectly calm as she pleads with him to stay; he’s got to go, though, because his mom already booked him a new flight home. But then he apologizes to Snooki.

“It’s my fault. I ****ed up. I’m sorry.” Um, for what? He makes her promise to be good, kisses her, tells her he loves her, and then leaves. So, are they broken up?

Best unintentionally funny line, coming from the best unintentionally funny roommate: when Snooki tries to regain a little composure after crying rivers of tears, she asks Sammi if she looks OK: “Your hair looks perfect, your dress is very cute . . . who cares if your face is a mess?”

Pauly the Prankster is back. This time he gets Vinny to put a couch and a chair and some other stuff on Deena’s bed. Yeah, that’s the whole prank. The real laughs come when Deena tries to take everything down, and the couch falls on her, while the guys watch. Jenni comes in to save her. Of course she does.

Speaking of Deena, she’s confronted with a few of life’s realities: first, bathrooms need to be cleaned. “These hands, they don’t clean toilets. Like, are you kidding me?” And the second: having sex sometimes leads to pregnancy. She says she thinks she’s pregnant and that’s why she’s been “freaking out.” She’s been drinking and smoking the whole time she’s been in Italy, and her parents will kill her. But she takes a pregnancy test and it’s negative, so she’s free to drink, smoke and have lots of sex again. That concludes the Very Special Segment of this week’s Jersey Shore.

Remember how we weren’t sure if Jionni and Snooki broke up? Things seemed clearer during a phone call after Jionni got back home, when he tells her he doesn’t want a girlfriend who dances “like a pig in front of me.” Snooki finally gets her spine back and tells him she’s sick of him making her feel bad about herself. She decides she needs a break from him. What she really wants to do is go back to Jersey, but comes up with a second-best option: turn the house into Karma, their favorite bar back home.

And they all whoop it up in the living room, just like home. Even Mike, who Ronnie says is acting just like he does when they go out in Jersey, where he “just sits in the corner with his glasses on and looks like the biggest creep ever.” Ha!

Snooki in particular is having a good time, drinking and dancing, which Mike interprets as her flirting with him. He can “see it in her eyes.” He says he can take care of her better than Jionni ever could. Way to set the bar high there, fella. Jenni doesn’t think he’s really into Snooki; he just wants to wreck a relationship. But he tells Snooki he loves her. “I love you as a good friend,” Snooki tells him for what must be the 800th time now.

Does he get it? Of course not. Apparently his imaginary relationship with Snooki is just the tip of his iceberg of delusions. Last week, when he was telling all the roommies how he was going to karate-chop Jionni, Ronnie told him to “do what you gotta do,” probably just to keep from laughing in Mike’s face. So Mike tells Snooki that Ronnie told him to kick Jionni in the head. He has a whole scary, imaginary conversation to go along with it, too, wherein he told everyone what a “nice kid” Jionni is, but all the guys told him to beat up Jionni. None of that happened.

So now Snooki, who was having a good time, is all worked up over Mike’s nonsense. To his credit, Ronnie tells Snooki what he said and what he meant, and just backs away slowly from the drama. Has he traded in the steroids for Xanax? How did he and Sammi become the reasonable ones in the house? Meanwhile, Mike continues to make an ass of himself, telling the gang in graphic detail about his hook-up with Snooki. “I’m so mortified at how disgusting this guy is right now,” Jenni says.

Snooki and Deena decide they need a cuddle before going to bed, but this time, instead of cuddling each other, they seek out Vinnie and Pauly, with vastly different results. Pauly takes about .2 seconds to kick Deena out of his bed, while Vinnie is in no hurry to get rid of Snooki. “I can’t believe it. I’m laying in bed, Snooki comes in, I’m single – so what am I going to do? Throw her out of the room? No.” She tells him she’s not with Jionni anymore. “There’s a lot of stuff going on in that bed right now,” Pauly says. “I see the blanket moving up and down. I see Snooki’s head popping up for air. We all know what’s going down.” And since Pauly’s bed is about six feet away, we can probably take his word for it.

And next week looks just as action-packed, as Snooki calls Jionni – to confess? – and then gets into fights with both Jenni and Mike.

–Christine Lusey, PopNews Wire

We should have known that Simon Cowell would fit right in in New Jersey.

At the Newark auditions, Simon is all about the “Jersey spirit” and East Coast confidence — especially when it comes to 14-year-old Brian Bradley of Brooklyn, N.Y., who already sees himself as a formidable rival to Jay-Z and Kane West. So why doesn’t he have a record deal already? “It’s politics, man,” Brian explains.

Just when he’s winning everyone over with his adorableness, Brian suddenly seems to start picking a fight with Simon. But really, he’s just transitioning into his song, which appears to be called, “Stop Lookin’ at My Mom.” With this, he’s forgiven, and Simon calls him “arrogant, obnoxious, argumentative but one of the most talented young people in a long, long time.” Which pretty much sums it up. And he’s cute, too.

Andy Silikovitz, however, is memorable for all the wrong reasons. At 43, he’s been single all his life, and is pretty much using the show as a platform to get a girlfriend (oh, and to be able to afford a house that’s nice enough to appear on MTV’s “Cribs”). His performance of Mariah Carey’s “Hero” is too awful to kindly describe, but the judges think he’s sweet — so sweet, in fact, that they want to set him up with Paula.

The next batch of contestants have no redeeming qualities whatsoever — until we get to 17-year-old Carrie Fletcher. Fletcher is truly the girl next door, and she happens to sing one of our favorite songs, “Alone” by Heart, which scores her a point in our book. Simon is a little “bored” by her, but even he sees potential once she gains a little more self-confidence. Yeses all around.

The next act is literally Ausem. Austin and Emily are 15-year-olds who have been singing together for years. Combined, they are Ausem. Are they great? Not really, but they are “passionate” — and Simon thinks their audience (hyperemotional teens) will understand them perfectly. Only problem? Everyone likes Austin more than Emily. After Nicole takes a looooong time to cast her vote, it’s four yeses.

The only act more awesome than Ausem? Tora Woloshin, who just might be the “hottest mechanic in the world.” Tora likes cars and tattoos and happens to look a bit like Lady Gaga. Oh yeah, she’s a decent singer too. Add it all up and she has the X Factor, Simon says.

While a certain type of guy may swoon over Tora (think Jesse James), pretty much all the ladies are going to go for Brennin Hunt — if you can get past the fact that he’s in love with himself. But hey, even L.A. Reid thinks he’s hot, so it’s official: this guy is hot. Brennin, 26, believes he has “the look, the voice, the total package,” and his “ultimate goal is to rule the world.” So we want to hate him, but he’s actually really great — even a potential winner (and he writes his own songs). Four yeses.

Later, we spend about five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes listening to Devon Talley’s unbearable performance of “Seasons of Love” from “Rent,” but at least he makes us laugh (as in at him, not really with him).

But once again, they saved the best for last with 16-year-old Jazzlyn Little. Jazzyln is insecure and very nervous, but she gives perhaps the best performance of the night singing Mary J. Blige’s “I’m Going Down.” The judges rave, and Jazzlyn says that for the first time in her life, she felt “truly accepted.” We bet she got a lot more than 500 hits on her YouTube page tonight.

–Jennifer D’Angelo Friedman, PopNews Wire

“X Factor” enters into its second week in America with Bieber Fever victims, visitors from Planet Paula, and an adult who wants to be a teenager (not to mention a man who smells like burritos).

But the Chicago auditions started off sweetly with a couple of opposite sex “friends” — with absolutely no benefits. Brock longs for Makenna, his singing partner of four years, but she doesn’t know it.

“Maybe one day she’ll know it,” Brock tells the cameras.

We hate to break it to you, Brock, but that day has come. Nevertheless, Brock and Makenna make a convincing country duo and score four yes votes from the judges.

Kim, 35, isn’t so lucky. She’s been taking voice lessons for ten years, but she still sounds like “two people singing at the same time,” as Simon puts it. Tim, a 21-year-model, is equally disappointing on “Kiss From a Rose,” as is half-naked 45-year-old Robin Renee Royal. One 60-something woman doesn’t even attempt to sing — she wants to be a judge! Maybe she’s on to something . . . who wouldn’t want to show up to work twice a week to say “yes” or “no” and get paid millions of dollars (sorry to rub it in, Cheryl).

But Skyelor Anderson, a 16-year-old black country singer, impresses the judges with his moxie and his “uniqueness.” Not only is he rare in his genre, he smartly keeps singing when his track cuts off — and scores four yes votes.

When 31-year-old Mark shows up — he’s a dorky grad student who “sees life as an algorithm” and is admittedly only auditioning for the “money” — we’re ready to boo him off the stage. But his dance moves to Radiohead’s “Creep” are oddly transfixing, and L.A. couldn’t have put it better when he says, “It sounded so bad but felt so good.” Everyone agrees Mark is from “Planet Paula,” but it’s four votes yes.

The next big surprise is 30-year-old Josh, who “slings burritos” in Ohio and badly needs a shampoo and a new outfit (he even admits that he smells). Josh’s mother is beside herself with excitement, which immediately makes us skeptical — but the joke’s on us when Josh belts out “At Last” with soul to spare, and earns four huge yeses.

Next, the judges head back to Seattle, where we must suffer through a delusional mother-daughter duo before we get to pretty 14-year-old Justin Bieber fanatic Drew Ryniewicz. Drew has a BAD case of Bieber Fever, so it’s no surprise that she wants to sing “Baby,” even though L.A. Reid is the one who signed the Biebs himself, making for a tough act to follow. The judges are as shocked as we are when Drew’s slowed-down rendition turns out to be really, really good — Nicole and Simon even prefer her version! Simon calls Drew “the easiest yes so far today.”

But 21-year-old Peet doesn’t have quite as much luck in the teen heartthrob department. The 6’1″ son of two dwarves, he certainly has a story — and it’s a little sad when he says he “just wants to fit in somewhere — anywhere really.” But there’s one catch: He really wants to be a teen heartthrob, despite the small problem of no longer being a teen. Peet changes Bruno Mars’ “Billionaire” lyrics to say “Famous” instead (since he cares more about the fame than the money), and even though the judges think he has star quality, it’s a no for now.

We might not have found the next Bruno Mars, but the judges believe they have discovered the next Boyz II Men in aspiring boy band 4Shore, who sing “End of the Road.” L.A. Reid, who co-wrote the #1 song, says that Boys II Men would be proud, and Simon thinks Americans would be proud to have 4Shore represent their country (which might just be taking it a little too far). But as Nicole puts it, it’s a yes — “4Shore.”

Two more guys squeak through — 42-year-old wedding DJ Tiger Budbill and handsome hipster Phillip Lomax, who fancies himself as the next Frank Sinatra. The judges aren’t totally sold on his vocals, but he more than makes up for it in the self-confidence department (“in other words,” he’s kind of full of himself).

But the judges aren’t quite so unanimous when it comes to lippy 19-year-old deli clerk Tiah Tolliver. Tiah has a hip, Rihanna-esque look, but she doesn’t quite stay on key in her a cappella performance. Simon has a gut feeling about her — in fact he’s “never felt so strongly,” but Nicole and Paula are unimpressed. Simon practically begs the ladies to change their minds, and Nicole finally agrees to give Tiah a chance.

“This is my life freakin’ dream come freakin’ true,” Tiah explains.

A poet, she is not. But she might sell records.

–Jennifer D’Angelo Friedman, PopNews Wire

This week Snooki’s boyfriend got upset when Snooki acted like Snooki: while dancing at a club she lifted her dress and flashed her “kooka” to the crowd.

But first, when we last we saw Team Meatball, Snooki was blowing into a breathalyzer after plowing the Fiat into a cop car. Good news: she passed! Bad news: the cops took her and Deena to jail anyway. But pretty soon the boys show up at Corpo di Polizia Municipale to spring them, and all Snooki has to do is pay a fine and surrender her license, which sounds like good news for everyone, not least the pedestrians of Florence.



Jionni’s coming! Snooki’s boyfriend, who no one likes because he gets so mad at Snooki — except for Mike, who doesn’t like him because he’s in an imaginary relationship with Snooki — is coming to Italy. Jenni’s boyfriend, Roger, can’t make it because of work. Jenni’s miserable, but fortunately the girls have the answer: drinking! Though, to be fair, that’s their answer to most problems.

Meanwhile, the guys hit a different club to do that weird spastic thing they do on the dance floor. Mike the charmer notices the promising ratio of “hot dog buns and hot dogs” and figures he’ll have no problem finding a girl to bring home.

Snooki stays home to talk on the phone to Jionni, when who should appear but Mike’s little friend with the low self-esteem, Twin Brittany. Snooki decides to play a prank on Mike by putting her in his bed. Didn’t the boys play this “prank” a few weeks ago? Snooki thinks for sure that Mike will be bringing another girl home, and won’t he be embarrassed to suddenly have two girls in his bedroom! Wait, what? So of course he does bring another girl home, but upon seeing Brittany undressing and climbing into bed, he sends away the girl who might have sex with him in favor of the girl who’s practically already having sex with him. These people are terrible at pranks.

Finally, Jionni’s here! And he’s surprisingly normal looking. Something doesn’t match up here. But Snooki is deeply in love with him. “Jionni is like my crocodilly, but alive,” she says, referring to her stuffed crocodile toy. Reminder: she’s 23. She marches Jionni past all the roomies — no house tour for Jionni — straight into the Smush Room.

Crazy Mike wastes no time starting drama, telling Vinny that Jionni is “very curious” about him. “I think he knows,” Mike says, of his did-they-or-didn’t-they encounter with Snooki. He’s going to keep his eye on Jionni in case something goes down. Watch out, walls!

Soon it’s time for everyone to hit the town, and Snooki’s got a special outfit she picked out to wear for Jionni. It’s a hot pink, leopard spotted . . . dress? It doesn’t seem to consist of enough fabric to meet the definition of a dress, though. Ronnie says it best: “It really doesn’t even come below her kooka at all.”

In the cab and at the club, guess who’s still running his mouth about how Jionni better not mess with him? Apparently, Mike’s gotten into karate, and Vinny says that since his fight with Ronnie, “he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time. And by ‘his guard,’ I mean ‘his feet.’” Jenni knows Mike is full of it, too. “I can’t wait for Mike to kick in the air, slip on a banana and break his ankle,” she says.

As Mike is fantasizing about his non-existent feud with Jionni, Jionni is busy professing his undying love for Snooki. “I’ve never loved something so much in my entire life,” he tells her. “Me and Jionni, we’re going to have guido babies. I know it,” Snooki says. “I can’t wait to pop those suckers out. They’re going to be so ****ing cute and tan.”

But things don’t go quite as smoothly as they get to the next club, and Snooki starts dancing and pulling up her dress, showing everyone her vagina. Jionni is mortified, telling her she’s “dancing like a ****ing whore” and stomping off. Snooki is wasted and tries to follow him down the cobblestone streets in her heels, followed by Jenni, and soon everyone is in the street, listening to Snooki hysterically screaming. “Where’s my boyfriend?! Where’s he going?!” He’s going away from you, far far away from you, Snooki.

Jenni tries to tell her she’s acting like a . . . well, let’s just say “jerk,” but Snooki doesn’t want to hear it. She says she’s trying to give Snooki a reality check, but Snooki tells Jenni she hates her and doesn’t want to be anywhere near her.

“Look, I get it. She’s drunk. She yelled at me. I’m going to put that aside for the next 20-30 minutes, and I just need to find this kid for my best friend,” Jenni says. Selfless friend or martyr? You make the call.

But it’s Ronnie who catches up to Jionni, who says he can’t stay with Snooki if she’s going to act like that.

They pour Snooki into a cab and take her home, sobbing. “Jionni, the fact that you’re getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky is, like, ridiculous,” Vinny says of Jionni’s reaction. So, that means he’s on Snooki’s side, right?

Jionni finally comes back to the house to get his stuff and leave. He doesn’t want anything to do with Snooki, who’s crying and saying she hates him and he’s “so mean.” “I don’t need a girl to lift up her skirt on stage. Get out of here,” he says, calmly. The upside to the big fight? Sammi finally gets what the roommates go through when she and Ronnie fight, and she apologizes to them.

In the end, Jionni flew for almost a whole day, only to leave in six hours, after Snooki did something very Snooki-like. “On the surface, Jionni looks like a nice kid. But at the end of the day, that kid was a ****ing wankster,” Mike says.

Could this be the end of Jionni? Would he really be so cruel as to deprive us of seeing him pummel Mike and his pretend-karate? Let’s hope not. Sweep the leg, Jionni!

—Christine Lusey, PopNews Wire

Other than a homeless rocker, a gorgeous female rugby coach and a rare male soprano, the second night of “The X Factor” left us wondering if all the talent has already been scooped up by the other “American Idol” copycat shows.

The Miami auditions start out on a low note with 29-year-old Ashley Sansone, whose email address is supposedly “unstoppable talent.” Dear unstoppable.talent@whatever — please shut up already! Paula actually speaks for everyone when she says she’s “exhausted” after listening to Ashley ramble on, and her performance of Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart” makes L.A. Reid want to “slit his wrists.”

But everyone feels a little sorry for 16-year-old Caitlynne Curtis, whose performance of Katy Perry’s “Firework” was almost good but not quite. Paula actually walks onstage to hug the tearful Caitlynne, and L.A. Reid urges her to keep trying as Taylor Swift sings sadly in the background.



Just as Simon is ready to give up on Miami, along comes 21-year-old Nick Voss singing Elvis Presley’s “Trouble.” Nick lives in a three-bedroom house with seven people, and his boss fired him for taking two days off to try out for the show. In other words, everyone’s rooting for him to be good, and he is. The judges agree that he’s an exciting performer, even if he has to work on his vocals and lose the Michael Jackson dance moves. He’s in.

But here’s where things get a little bit spooky. Contestant Ashley Deckard, 14, insists that she can see ghosts, but that’s not really the scary part. Paula says she can see them too. How and why this confession was glossed over, we’re not sure — but it could explain a lot about her time on “American Idol.”

The judges do seem a little possessed as they send through an ex-music teacher who sounds like “wolves mating in the forest.” Girl group 2squar’d also makes the cut, as does soulful 32-year-old Kendra Williams and handsome Brendan O’Hara (cue Nicole getting her flirt on).

But male soprano Jeremiah Pagan — one of only seven male sopranos in the world, apparently — is a standout. So is 18-year-old Melanie Amaro, who belts out Beyonce’s “Listen” like a seasoned Broadway performer. Melanie brings Nicole to tears, and Simon says he launched “The X Factor” in America in order to find someone like her. So Miami ends on a high note.

Off to Dallas, where 17-year-old Jonny Rogers feels like a “Justin Bieber doll gone wrong in a Chinese factory,” according to Simon. Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

But it gets much, much worse. Dylan Lawson, 18, sold his truck to get to Dallas from Kentucky — in order to curse and writhe on the floor on national TV. Street vendor Curtis Lawson, 19, also sounds Satanic, and Simon urges him to learn to speak “human.”

Which is why we’re relieved to meet Dexter Haygood, a 49-year-old musician who toured with Hall and Oates, but has fallen on hard times. He lost his house in foreclosure and he’s pretty much couch-surfing and living out of his car, but his performance of “Sex Machine” shows promise. Simon asks for another song, and Dexter “turns the place out” with “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World.” The judges want less James Brown and more Dexter, but they decide to give him a chance. Was anyone else thinking Homeless Man With the Golden Voice 2.0?

There is still one more standout to be found in Dallas. Caitlin Koch, 21, is probably the prettiest rugby coach anyone has ever seen, and her slowed-down rendition of The Supremes’ “Stop! In the Name of Love” is just plain cool. Caitlin gets a “big old fat juicy delicious yes” … “with mustard, lettuce and pickles on top.”

We don’t really want to waste too much on 27-year-old Xander Alexander, who is by far the most annoying contestant in the show’s two-day history. Xander manages to insult everyone from Whitney Houston to Mariah Carey to Martha Stewart to Jay-Z to Bruno Mars … and he saves the worst for Simon, actually threatening to go outside and fight him! Turns out, Xander’s singing isn’t awful, but he’s just too obnoxious. In fact, he’s officially more obnoxious than Simon. Who knew it was possible?

–PopNews Wire, Jennifer D’Angelo Friedman

‘Young Homie’ Steals the Show on Brand-New ‘X Factor’

If you could get past feeling like you were watching an old season of “American Idol,” the series premiere of “The X Factor” was actually pretty good.

From an adorable 13-year-old to a 42-year-old single mom to a talented rapper only 70 days out of rehab, “The X Factor” had more tear-jerker moments than a Lifetime movie. Even the commercials were inspirational.

And Simon Cowell was actually not as mean as we thought he was going to be.

The first hour of the show, at the L.A. auditions, introduced the judging panel: Cowell, his flirting-and-fighting partner Paula Abdul, record executive L.A. Reid and British pop star Cheryl Cole.

But wait a minute: By the second hour of the show, Cole has been fired and replaced at the Seattle auditions with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger!

Of course we heard about this back when it happened in June, but somehow it didn’t sink in that Cole had already taped a few episodes.

Down one Brit, up another: Host Steve Jones gets just enough air time to inform us that the winner of the show will be awarded a $5 million record contract. That’s a lot of money, which is why it seems fitting that the first contestant, 13-year-old Rachel Crow, is broke. Or at least her family is, with six of them packed into a two-bedroom house.

“My family has like no money,” she declares, quite adorably, adding that, “I’m a girl — I need my own bathroom!”

Not only does this cutie pie have enough personality for 10 contestants, she also does an impressive job on Duffy’s “Mercy.”

“You have everything every artist I’ve ever signed has,” L.A. says. Four yesses — she’s in!

More unanimous yesses, follow, including for hunky 36-year-old Terrell Carter
and 14-year-old teen heartthrob John Lindahl.

But would Simon Cowell really create his own show without giving us a few people to make fun of? Of course he wouldn’t!

Take 30-year-old hotel performer Siameze Floyd, who wants to be a megastar. Not a superstar, a megastar. Well, he does have some insane dance moves, a resemblance to Prince and a baby blue fishnet top that leaves nothing to the imagination.

“You are talented but you are deluded,” Simon explains, offering up a yes despite L.A.’s firm no. That’s the Simon we were waiting for!

But it gets even weirder. Married couple Venita and Dan are 83 and 70, respectively, and when they stop complaining about the price of a hot dog, they get around to singing “Unchained Melody” — badly. It’s a no, but everyone appreciates their dream to travel around in their motor home playing at “the most beautiful senior centers.”

If you thought Venita and Dan were bad, you were in for a shock when Linda, a 61-year-old retired court clerk, came on to shriek the lyrics to “I Touch Myself.”

But there is one contestant who was able to successfully deliver the sexy factor. Simone Battle, 21, has two things going for her: She looks good in short shorts, and she’s “fierce.” Simon finds her “annoying” at first, but she wins everyone over with her “fearless” performance — except L.A.

We guess L.A. was saving his applause for Stacy Francis, a pretty 42-year-old single mom who’s faced some tough times. Her former partner wasn’t supportive of her singing, but she “doesn’t want to die with the music in her.” Powerful stuff, and her gritty performance of “Natural Woman” earns a standing ovation from the judges. In fact, Simon thinks it’s one of the best auditions he’s ever heard.

Things take a major turn for the worse in Seattle, where 43-year-old blogger Geo Godley is “classically trained” — at taking his clothes off. The carefully placed “X” suggests that Geo took it ALL off, but we find it hard to believe that went down before an audience packed with children and old folks. Nevertheless, the little that he was wearing was enough to literally make Paula sick. She runs out gagging, and her overdone reaction kind of made us gag, too.

Marcus Canty is a little more family-friendly. His mom gave him two years after high school to make it in the music biz — and at age 20, he’s almost out of time. He blows the judges away with Stevie Wonder’s “I Wish,” and L.A. thinks he’s the next Bobby Brown. Boy band The Anser is also pretty cool, offering an original version of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep.”

But the real show-stopper is 28-year-old Chris Rene, who hauls trash for a living to make ends meet for his 2-year-old son. He also just got out of rehab, and after struggling with drug and alcohol addiction since age 12, he is 70 days clean.

All we can say is, they saved the best for last. “Young Homie,” Chris’s original hip-hop song about his experience, could be a hit right now. L.A. says Jay-Z and Kanye West would be proud to call him “the truth,” Paula says words can’t articulate her feelings (no big surprise there), Nicole says Chris has “The X-Factor” and Simon says he loves “meeting a star for the first time.” L.A. and Simon make Chris promise to stay straight, and there isn’t a dry eye in the house.

Heart-wrenching stories, a few catty insults, a lot of talent and some serious weirdos. Sound familiar? It should. But we’re still happy Simon Cowell is back.

–Jennifer D’Angelo Friedman, PopNews Wire

Which new albums should you be playing this week? Take a listen, and decide for yourself.

What to Play, What to Skip

By Shawn Amos

It’s a week of reunions. Everyone wants to sing with Tony Bennett, the Jayhawks want one more shot at the Americana brass ring, and the superstars in SuperHeavy want nothing less than global domination. Meanwhile, Tori Amos floats above it all on her cosmic journey, while Demi Lovato continues to pick up the pieces.

MUST-PLAY PICKS OF THE WEEK: What’s that sound? Why, it’s the scrumptious grooves of the PLAY > SKIP Lounge! Join us, won’t you? Check in every Wednesday, 1-2 p.m., PST.

SKIP: SuperHeavy, “SuperHeavy”

How are we to view supergroup SuperHeavy? Is it a relic of bloated, big music machine excess? Or is it the first sincere attempt at moving beyond the needless segregation of music and genres in the new digital world where every song must neatly fit into a playlist? It’s both. This is the sound of true global music made by global superstars committed to creating a new musical language that transcends boundaries. It’s also a bunch of rich, aging (minus Joss Stone) music stars who are too far up the ivory tower to really feel the beat of the street. Sure, Mick Jagger, Dave Stewart, Damian Marley, and A.R. Rahman are all royalty. But it’s hard for royalty to avoid being self-conscious. As supergroup outings go, it’s worth a spin, but I can’t help wonder if a band of global serfs would’ve brought more grit to this global stew.

WATCH the official music video for SuperHeavy’s single “Miracle Worker.”

PLAY: Tony Bennett, “Duets II”

With Frank Sinatra gone, Tony Bennett is left holding the title of the last of the great American vocalists. And like Ol’ Blue Eyes, he’s not above singing with anyone who will put his legacy in front of the uninitiated. Tony Bennett is a genre unto himself. On “Duets II,” he sings with country crooners, pop stars, soul-stirrers, and opera maestros. Only gangsta rappers are missing (stay tuned for “Duets III: Bennett Brings Forth the Rhythm & the Rhyme”). Amy Winehouse’s duet on “Body and Soul” will no doubt get all of the attention — and deservedly so. It’s tragic in its subtext and tender in its delivery. Still, its not the only classic worth revisiting. “Duets II” is full of goosebumps. Yeah, it’s a tired formula, but in the hands of a master like Bennett these standards feel like the first time.

WATCH Tony Bennett perform “Body and Soul” with the late Amy Winehouse.

PLAY: Tori Amos, “Night of Hunters”

Tori Amos has never been interested in playing the pop game by its set of conventional rules. And to prove it, she’s drifted farther from the mainstream with each new album. In reality, “Night of Hunters” is a straight-up classical album, akin to “The Juliet Letters,” the 1993 classically influenced song cycle by fellow musical wanderer Elvis Costello. And just like Costello, Tori Amos has the chops and the curiosity to make herself at home. Fans looking for a return to “Cornflake Girl” are bound to be disappointed. But for the diehard Amos adventurers who appreciate her diversions, “Night of Hunters” is as challenging as it is satisfying.

WATCH the official music video for Tori Amos’ single “Carry.”

SKIP: Demi Lovato, “Unbroken”

Everybody loves a comeback, and fallen Disney idol Demi Lovato has all of the perfect ingredients: a rehab stay, an apologetic public re-entry, and a highly personal album. “Unbroken” is as polished as you’d expect from any Disney singer (although Lovato has left the Disney channel show “Sonny with a Chance,” she still records for the company’s Hollywood Records label). And like most Disney records, it sounds like it was made by an entire branch of government. But unlike those albums, Lovato’s authenticity and voice manage to rise above the mountains of production.

I’m skipping “Unbroken” because musically it’s no different from the hundreds of other formulaic factory albums that numb my brain. Still, I’m looking forward to hearing the artist Demi Lovato will become once she cuts the final Disney cord.

WATCH the official music video for Demi Lovato’s single “Skyscraper.”

PLAY: The Jayhawks, “Mockingbird Time”

Back in the late ’80s, the Jayhawks stood at the front of a group of musicians dedicated to fusing rock and twang in the spirit of the late, great Gram Parsons. It was the dark time before the days of “Americana” labels and coffee house radio, a time when Wilco and Son Volt were still unborn inside a band called Uncle Tupelo. Now with a new generation of Americana acts, such as Mumford & Sons and Avett Brothers, threatening to bury their memory, the Jayhawks are stepping into the Americana dirt once again.

“Mockingbird Time” is the band’s first album since 2003′s “Rainy Day Music.” More importantly, it’s the first time the original lineup — including founding member Mark Olson — has recorded since 1995. That’s a lot of pressure. “Tomorrow the Green Grass,” from 1995, is widely considered not only the band’s high-water mark but also the standard bearer of truly glorious Americana music. It’s also the album that led me to the Joshua Tree desert to record Mark Olson for my own stab at the Americana dream, “Harlem.” “Mockingbird Time” doesn’t quite reach the heights of those ’90s glory days, but it’s a thrill to hear Olson and Gary Louris wrap their harmonies together once again. Welcome back, guys.

WATCH the official teaser for the Jayhawks’ new album.

Yes, Snooki and Deena take The Meatball Show on the road this week. But first, busybody Jenni starts right where she left off: lecturing Snooki about her relationship with Jionni, who she and the roommates dislike. Didn’t she date a guy who stole a bunch of her stuff? Should she be advising anyone on who to date?

But when Snooki calls Jionni, it seems like Jenni might have a point. Jionni scolds Snooki for being “beyond rude” on the phone the other night, demands to know which roommates said he was out of line, tells her he’s not coming out to visit and then hangs up on her. Snooki doesn’t seem too bothered, though, because …

Road trip!

The gang gets the weekend off from their pretend job to visit Riccioni, a seaside resort town on the Adriatic. When they finally fit their roughly nine hundred bags of luggage into two Fiats and make it to the hotel, future Fodors writer Snooki sums up Riccioni: “It looks like Hawaii, so I feel like it’s like an island. Or maybe it’s, like, on the border of a continent. You know what I mean? So it’s, like, by ocean.”

The boys set off to explore and find the most unfortunate man in Italy: Mike’s doppelgänger. Meanwhile the girls hit the beach for about five minutes before they decide they need to start drinking. Snooki yells to no one in particular that she wants to know how to say “vagina” in Italian. One mortified passerby tells her it’s “not so good” for girls to talk like that, and they all take some time to think about how their boorish behavior might not be appropriate . . . oh, ha ha, no that didn’t happen at all, of course. They just screamed about being “from Jersey” and clomped away for some drunk shopping.

Snooki and Deena are on a “whole nother level” of drunk, so Jenni and Sam ditch them and head back to the hotel. Pretty soon Team Meatball winds up at an outdoor party where the guys show up, convinced there’s no way Snooki and Deena can sober up in time for dinner. After Snooki dives into a bush for no reason and Deena loses her underwear on the dance floor, it does seem unlikely. “It’s only Jersey girls that can dance so hard their underwears come off,” Deena says, proudly. But sure enough, they clean themselves up and make their way to the restaurant to meet the others — just as everyone else has finished eating and is ready to go.

Then it’s on to the club, and guess who forgot her underpants? “Whatever. I forgot to put underwears on.” Does that help? Jenni tries to tell Deena that maybe deep squats in her tiny skirt aren’t such a great idea, but Deena is beyond caring. “All I know is, Deena needs a wax,” Jenni says. Deena and Snooki start dirty dancing with each other, and before long they’re “digesting each other’s tongues,” as Jenni put it. The kissing session continues even in the cab ride back to the hotel. “I don’t even make out this long with Ron,” Sammi says.

The next morning, Pauly wakes everyone up as usu — hey, wait. That’s not Pauly. That’s Ronnie, who’s “swacked” Pauly’s wake-up call. See, waking people up is Pauly’s swagger, and if you get your swagger jacked, you’ve been swacked. Yep.

Snooki and Deena are still sleeping, so it’s a perfect opportunity for everyone to talk behind their backs. Sammi and Jenni are amazed and grossed out that they apparently hooked up the night before, while Ronnie says their behavior at the club makes him think Jionni might be right when he gives Snooki a hard time.

They have some food and do a little shopping, and Snooki and Deena are still asleep when they get back. “It smells like hot sweat and regret in here,” Vinny observes. But the girls claim not to remember anything that happened. “Usually even if I’m blacked out, I know I did sex,” Deena says, perplexed.

Immediately upon returning to the house, Snooki calls Jionni to confess about her hijinks with Deena, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Later, Snooki and Deena try to get back into a routine by going to the gym, but because they can’t go ten minutes without creating a scene, Snooki rams the Fiat right into a police car. And of course she doesn’t have her license on her, so Deena has to call the boys to bring it, leaving Snooki to freak out while an ambulance comes to take the cop from the car she hit away in a stretcher. Snooki is crying and begging not to be arrested, but she and Deena are loaded into a police car as the episode ends.

“If Nicole is locked up, they might kick us out of Italy,” Vinny says. Drama! Suspense! We’ll find out all about the fallout next week. Plus we meet the mysterious Jionni, who apparently decided to come to Italy after all. Yeah, he’ll probably regret that decision. But it will be fun to watch!

—Christine Lusey, PopNews Wire

Which new albums should you be playing this week? Take a listen, and decide for yourself.

What to Play, What to Skip

By Shawn Amos

Now that the remembrance is over, let’s pay our respects to some new music. Lady Antebellum, Primus, Nick Lowe, Blind Pilot, and Das Racist have all come forth to share some post-9/11 music. Some of it you’ll want to forget.

MUST-PLAY PICK OF THE WEEK: What’s that sound? Why, it’s the scrumptious grooves of the PLAY > SKIP Lounge! Join us, won’t you? Check in every Wednesday, 1-2 p.m., PST.

SKIP: Lady Antebellum, “Own the Night”

I don’t think Grammy winners should necessarily be held to a higher standard than anyone else, but it’s hard to believe that this country pop trio has snatched up six statues in its short life, not to mention a nomination for Best New Artist in 2009. “Own the Night” is radio pop at its blandest, only dipping far enough into “country” to fool the most passive of listeners. In reality, it’s about three degrees south of John Mayer — except that I like John Mayer, most of the time anyway, when lays off the tweets and TMZ. “Own the Night” is the kind of watered-down, assembly line pop music that makes me wish for a Nashville revolution.

WATCH the official live music video for Lady Antebellum’s single “We Owned the Night.”

SKIP: Primus, “Green Naugahyde”

Back in the ’90s, Primus was one of the freshest — OK, oddest — heavy rock groups around, and even today there are few bassists who can match Les Claypool’s bizarre brand of subsonic virtuosity. Unfortunately, the act has been getting stale since Fred Durst got his hands in 1999 on “Antipop,” their last full album until now. That’s not to say “Green Naugahyde” is as uninspired as “Antipop,” but even with original drummer Jay Lane back on the kit, they aren’t able to rekindle that old odd magic. There are plenty of stunning solos, courtesy of guitarist Ler LaLonde, but that’s the only relief you’ll get from Claypool’s redneck Residents rehash. The album’s opener, “Prelude to a Crawl,” is appropriate. Choose to play this album, and you’re in for 50 minutes of slow-moving circus metal. Maybe that’s your thing. I’m skipping.

WATCH Primus perform “Green Ranger” live at Bonnaroo.

PLAY: Nick Lowe, “The Old Magic”

At 62 years old, English rocker Nick Lowe is a certifiable veteran of the business. Like his musical traveling companion Elvis Costello, Lowe has crafted a career out of timeless songwriting and nostalgia. “The Old Magic” isn’t as pub-worthy as Lowe’s earlier work, but it’s appropriate to its time and place. He’s still got the classy defiance of his punk days, admitting at one point that he never expected to live half as long as he has. But make no mistake: there’s wisdom in age, and Lowe doesn’t let it go to waste. The man is an institution. More folks should come under his spell. WATCH Nick Lowe play a live set for NPR, including “House for Sale” from the new album.

PLAY: Blind Pilot, “We Are the Tide”

Forget it, Washington and Brooklyn. Oregon is becoming the center a new music revolution. The Decemberists and M. Ward may get all of the Northwestern glory, but Blind Pilot are close behind. Part Sigur Ros and part Fleet Foxes, this Portland-based band puts a contemporary psychedelic spin on an otherwise traditional, acoustic indie-folk setup. The production is so precise and so pristine that it’s tough to imagine how they pulled off a West Coast tour on their bikes in 2009, but “We Are the Tide” is evidence that they have every intention of developing their sound: folk songs reaching for the stars.

WATCH Blind Pilot perform “New York” live in the studio.

PLAY: Das Racist, “Relax”

It’s hard to say just how seriously you’re supposed to take Das Racist, but there’s no denying that they’re becoming a major force in the hip-hop game. Himanshu Suri (“Heems”), Victor Vazquez (“Kool A.D.”), and Ashok Kondabolu (“Dap”) have taken the rap world by storm with their continuing streams of pop culture allusions and complicated humor used to address such varied subjects as disillusionment, global politics, and racial stereotypes. Like their previous two albums, “Relax” is a dizzying discourse on American youth culture over a diverse selection of top-shelf beats. It’s not without its tedious tracks, but there’s more than enough variation to keep it interesting. In a world of mindless bling and gangsta dumbness, it’s good to have Das Racist around. They’re more concerned with pushing boundaries than the Benjamins.

WATCH Das Racist’s music video for “Michael Jackson.”

These poor Jersey Shore kids can’t catch a break! First there’s Mike, who sprains his neck bashing his own head into a brick wall and no one even feels sorry for him! He’s left to moan softly to himself in pain on the patio. Wouldn’t that be the perfect time for the pigeons to attack? But no such luck.

He just complains about how he has to wear a neck brace, which is totally messing up his GTL time. He even wants to leave Italy because of his crippling inability to turn his head quickly, but Ronnie persuades him to stay for some reason. Maybe he lost a bet.

Ah, sad, misunderstood Ronnie. What’s wrong with Sammi that she can’t understand why he’d explode with rage, then buy her flowers, then throw the flowers in the trash, then come into her room and tell her he loves her? It’s all so simple!

Snooki squeezes the absolute legal minimum of her body into a teeny black dress and gets offended when she walks past a church and a priest says, “Can you cover your body please, when you come in front of church?” The nerve! She says God likes her . . . features. After all, he made them. “He didn’t make mine,” Jenni points out. We know, Jenni.

Later, Snooki calls her boyfriend, Jionni. “You make me happy and I want to suck your butt,” she tells him, and then belches into the phone. She’s surprised when he’s upset. “I’m sorry, that’s me. You know that’s me.” And, to be fair, she has a point. He’s dating Snooki from Jersey Shore, so if he’s waiting for class and sophistication he’d better pack a lunch. At any rate, he’s worried about his upcoming visit to Italy, and Snooki’s worried that their opposites-attract relationship might not be working as well as she thought. Relationship Expert Ronnie says, “Don’t change yourself for someone else. Take it from me.”

Deena finally finds a way to touch Pauly D when he lets her do his hair. She styles him a fancy fauxhawk, which he accessorizes with a headband and aviator shades. “Yo, I look like them guidos on TV that be trying too hard,” he says, staring at himself in the mirror. He decides his new name is Joey D and he gets Vinnie to play along, as they dress up in track suits to be “ultimate guidos.” Confused? So was Deena. “The boys keep talking about these track suit costumes. And I’m just, like, that’s not a costume. That’s your normal clothes.” And there’s lots of Chapstick. And fist-pumping. “Fist pump, pushups, Chapstick!” Joey D chants. “All we need is FPC!” Vinnie agrees. Meta-irony? Could they really be that self-aware? Probably not.

In other news, Sammi is still not pleased that Ronnie was calling other girls, even though he and Sammi weren’t dating at the time. If you’re tired of hearing about Ronnie and Sammi’s relationship, imagine how the roommates feel. “It’s like listening to the same annoying record, over and over and over,” Vinnie says. And Pauly is thinking that Mike might have had the right idea by smashing his head against the wall. Are Ronnie and Sammi back together? Sammi doesn’t even seem to know for sure. “I think right now me and Ron are together. Granted it’s just tonight. Who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow?”

Vinny politely tells the two of them that if they start going at it, they should take it elsewhere, because no one wants to hear them fight anymore.

Snooki is still mad at Mike for blabbing about the two of them hooking up, which she still denies happened. He finally admits he made a mistake . . . by telling Ronnie, when he really should have confided in Pauly.

They all go out drinking, and Ronnie busts out with some kind of Jersey Shore-infused Greek wedding dance and promptly falls on the floor. You’d think that would be the highlight of the evening, but then some girl throws a drink at Deena, and both Deena and Snooki chase after her, punching wildly . . . at each other. “I’m pulling this girl’s hair, and some girl’s pulling my hair. And then I realize: it’s my meatball, Deena,” Snooki says.

Oh, and remember Elis, Deena’s cute waiter? He came back. With a hickey. From his sister. Hopefully you weren’t a big Elis fan because that’s probably the last we’ll be seeing of him.

Everyone’s just sick about how Jionni’s embarrassed by Snooki’s embarrassing behavior, and they want to hold an intervention. Snooki doesn’t see the point. “I’m not addicted to heroin. I’m just addicted to my boyfriend’s penis, that’s all.” But they all think Jionni’s no good for her, especially Jenni, who’s become a real busybody this season, just all up in everybody’s business. “You have to understand,” Jenni says. “I’m not gonna pretend everything’s cheese and daisies.”

Well, no, we certainly wouldn’t want you to do that, Jenni. At least, we probably wouldn’t, if we had any idea what that meant.

–Christine Lusey, PopNews Wire